Hail to the Ambassador: Hi Tim, welcome to Berlin

Dear United States Ambassador William Robert „Tim“ Timken, you give our capital the pleasure of Your company for a couple of years. Yesterday, You safely arrived in Berlin to replace the massive gap left by Your predecessor. He left Berlin half a year ago. Since then, the space between Brandenburger Tor and the Holocaust Monument – where the new US embassy is built – seemed even bigger. And now, Mr. Ambassador, you have come to fill it. We can not tell You how glad we are. But first, we have to get a few things straight.

Greetings from Mr. MATTHIAS LOHRE

First: We like You. We really do. That’s why we wrote this text in English – because You are not known for your German skills.

Second: Please do not think that we have prejudices against You. It is really nice of You to spread a fairy tale about why You wanted this job: Because You have German ancestors. Your Great Grandfather Henry left Bremen in 1838 when he was eight years old. How cute! But do You really think that anybody can be so stupid to believe it?

Third: You have no experiences in the diplomatic field. To some Germans, it may seem strange that we always get this kind of ambassador: Your predecessor Daniel Coats had no experiences either. But hey! Your boss George W. Bush – who gave You this job – had none before he became President. And now look how secure the world looks like after five years in office!

But fourth: You have earned millions of Dollars with Your ball bearing (Kugellager) factory. Your wealth helped the Republican Party to conquer the important state of Ohio during the last presidential elections. Without you, George W. Bush may not have made it a second time.

Dear Ambassador, You do not need huge diplomatic skills to realize: We do not think this was such a brillant idea.